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fanfiction: I Surrender (1 / 1)

Title: I Surrender
Author: SakiJune
Rating: PG13
Warning: death-fic
Plot: A version of the story of Gawain and Ragnell. Told by her, which is now only the wind and I remember.


When I was a little girl with blond hair twisted stems of flowers, a hare ran as far and wide in the forest of Inglewood. I had no one thought the world was not linked to the surrounding nature, animals and the seasons I played with flowing, precise and reassuring, as the waters of the River Eden.
been orphaned too early to be sad, I was brought up by my brother, Sir Gromer. He was a giant as skilled with a sword in the ancient and terrible magic, but until I turned twelve years he was always kind and affectionate towards me.
Then came the soldiers, and said that our land from that time belonged to the eldest son of King Lot. Since then, never saw the smile on his face.
While I was growing up, I realized that Gromer, in addition to the anger of not being the owner of the land that our peasant farmers and forests where hunting, increased the concern of having to find a husband. "No one is worthy of you," he said. "Nobody, not even those dandies of the court of Arthur Pendragon, is worthy of touching you with a glove."
I was afraid, but at first did not believe that his words would never go beyond their ephemeral form: the age when I was still climb trees and pick daisies me amused and satisfied. Reflected into the river, I did not understand to be beautiful, and I did not know that my appearance made me feel fragile and vulnerable.
was a young red-haired, of which not even remember his face, the first knocking on our door to ask for my hand. The next day, leaving home, I came upon a servant who, in tears, tried in every way to put away the stains of blood smeared the threshold.
Horrified, I tried to escape, but Gromer chased me and locked me in my room. I cried, I begged him and asked him why, why, why.
"Because you're beautiful as the first flower that comes in the morning," said my brother, beyond the door "It is not even born in Britain the man who will take you."
I knew his anger would have evaporated, and expected to again enjoy my freedom, but a week later, Gromer entered the room, took my hand and led me into a dungeon. Of what happened will not say anything, because it is good that such dark practices of memory to be lost, but the result of his spell is known to all, and I became the most hideous woman who ever existed.
"If there is a fine gentleman willing to marry you now, "he said," I will not oppose. "

only then I knew what I had lost! The freshness of my years, the color of my cheeks, the smile that I used to see reflected in the river were gone: in their place was a monster.
Instinctively I wanted to drown me, tear me from a bear, destroy the body that disgusted me and who looked at me. But inside was still a force without a name, shouting his desire to continue living. I went back to

Gromer, and thanked him with irony. He was surprised but pleased by my submission that the gesture suggested.
"One day what you said will happen. I'll be the wife of the most valorous, charming and wise men. "
was a challenge. I was not at all submissive, I became one of his peers. I had sovereignty over my life: the nauseating smell that wore like armor was stronger than steel, the desire to revenge the most fearsome of swords, magic and freedom of his equally powerful.
courses in the stable and chose, among the beautiful horses strong and gentle, an old mule, I greeted my brother and I left crying, "I am my own master. There is better luck? ".

Somer Joure I called in, and since then I Ragnell. Gromer

Kill or make his sorrowful life did not seem the best way to get justice. It was not that I had to hit him, but the source of our problems: the man who owned our land, which had made Gromer cruel and possessive of me. I looked and found him, because at that time the court of the king of Britain was residing at the castle of Carlisle, near the forest ... but I did not have the strength to approach him.
Sir Gawain of Orkney was the rider better than she had ever trod the soil of the Cumberland. He was my master, not just on paper but on all my senses. The
I loved and hated him because I knew that I would have loved. I
, Ragnell the Foul Lady, I loved the Hawk of May, the Knight of the Sun, the nephew of the king, and yet, I had forgotten my purpose: I missed only a ploy, a way to keep it under control, if not I could have him in my arms ...

Wait, slow, patient. Ugliness does not change, no seasons and never fades.
The years were marked by wars are always the same, which kidnap young lives and donavano unhappy brides. But nobody ever took me as spoils of war, ah, ah! A very poor I would have been stolen!


One day, among the many rumors of the country, came to my ear the challenge Gromer that the king had sent, and understood that his anger was not diminished over time. Arthur Pendragon was, in effect, to grant to Sir Gawain our property, so no surprise.
Gromer had taken advantage of the strong sense of honor of the king, shamelessly exploiting our last conversation.
"What you really want a woman?" Was the question, subtle and simple in appearance only. Before the king introduces himself, I approached him, there was no reason why I was afraid and not ashamed of my appearance in front of a man who did not want.

"If you give me the answer is the right one, and Gromer Somer Joure save me life, how can I repay you? "
" Make sure to have back his lands, and not molest again "I could answer, but it was not not a reward. Not to me, for me. Sir Gawain did not seem like a greedy man, he would not have cared about losing a few acres of forest.
"Gromer will do you no harm, your majesty: recategli the answer I have suggested, then come back here and only then will tell you what I want in return."

while waiting for the king returned with prizes, a terrible thought crossed my mind: I had become wicked and ruthless as Gromer, I was not anything different from him.
If my ugliness was the result of a spell, the evil had taken root in me as a weed, poisonous, and as well as love, desire, resentment, every feeling that I carried inside me led away from my place, within the walls of Carlisle.

When I was before man of my dreams, I realized that I had pinned my hopes untold well. Not only trembled at my shabby appearance, but he treated me with courtesy and respect as a real lady.
"Lady Ragnell, I think that this is your name" I smiled, looking into my eyes with gratitude, "you have saved the life of my beloved uncle, the king. I can not claim to be honored to participate as a wife. "
Again a sense of shame pervaded me, and grew as I realized how wonderful it was Sir Gawain in fact, not only in my imagination. He deserved everything: the land of my family's honor in the court in which shone his virtues, but especially a young and beautiful bride. I was tempted to retract the promise torn the king ... but already had been named a cleric to celebrate the wedding.
I knelt among the horrified eyes of those present, and ask the right hand, gnarled and dry as a claw, Knight of the beautiful in spite of myself when I was in love.

That night the miracle happened.
I knew that even the most powerful curse can be broken, and Gromer I had also made it clear how I could ever go back to Nell, but I expected that to happen.
"I'll give you a kiss" were the words of Gawain, serene as the sky in spring, and suddenly we were stunned. I was beautiful again, my face was fresh and young ... hands, hair ... I know that I cried, running to a mirror and perhaps rice, skimming the surface and touching my body in disbelief. I think I fainted right after, because I opened eyes in my marriage bed, in the arms of Gawain.
"I-love me?" I stammered, and his lips on mine were the more responsive that my doubts could receive.

dawn, still in ecstasy after love, I had to wake from that dream too unbelievable to be true. Gawain was still asleep, and I was careful to make no noise. The mirror showed me the well-known image of Ragnell, decrepit and destroyed. I avviluppai in rags I wore on my arrival, I left the room and ran to the stables ... the mule seemed to me waiting, knowing that the adventure would be a short term very, very little ...

It was late morning when I saw the My house in the trees, dismounted and knocked at the door, panting, frantic.
"Gromer, let me in! Now, "I croaked. The door opened.
My brother looked aged. Not many years had passed, yet his unfinished revenge had eaten the soul. We stared, two creatures who know damned and unscrupulous hands, one to have in the happiness of the other.
"I can ensure that our lands will return to you" I said. "But only if you free me from this body."
realized that I did not lie, and grunted, repeating a formula he knew by heart:
"The man who will be willing to lie to you have you can fine every night. "
" I know "incalzai. "That's not what I came for."
"The power that can dissolve the magic is in your will, this sovereignty that one day you said to desire above all else. Now go away, and you're damned if you do not respect the pact "

Outside the walls of the castle, two knights were trained with the sword, armor glinting in the dim light of late afternoon.
"Ohibò, Madam, your husband I have searched everywhere! "laughed one of them, cutting off the friendly skirmish to meet me. "It seems that you fascinated. Come on, do not worry, come back to him! "
sighed. Gawain did not know that this illusion had not lasted a few hours ... not waiting for me, but the blonde in the soft skin! And the pain I would try, to review, would be enough to prevent us from being happy.

hidden by tattered cloak, his head bowed, I showed up again at the sight of my husband.
"Tonight I'll be back for what you want, but in the light of day in this prison are still forced monstrous as you see. "
Gawain nodded, saddened but not angry. "I thought you had run away from me."
His candor moved me beyond words, and his words gave me the courage groped. "I think it's possible ... choose ... "
" What? "
" prefer to have every night a girl to love, or wife to be proud to court? "
His answer would have ruled our destiny.
"My mother is cold and haughty, there still would like, you know. Would be ashamed for me if you mostraste to her as you are now, but would be envious of the beauty I have revealed tonight. So is the Queen, as much as I dislike admitting it, and my brothers in arms are so brave and faithful as vain and picky. So I am not to decide, my dear, why should I be to enjoy the night, but would you be to suffer the day ... I leave the choice is yours. "
I covered her face with her hands, hoping for the best, with all my strength, and feeling the love explode like never before by the purest part that was left of me, free from 'weeds of disappointment and resentment.
"I ... I choose ... to be beautiful for you. "


late that week, the knight who had spoken to me on my return to Carlisle insisted on entering our room.
feared, he confessed, I had eaten my husband.
"As you see, Sir Lionel, my wife and I enjoy good health," said Gawain. - But you were right to interrupt our idyll, as it seems right to share our joy with all those who would have bet a penny on our union. Sir Lionel
blushed and tried to hide his amazement at my new look.
There would be time for explanations.

Gromer recovered its share of forest and admitted their mistakes before the king. For my part, I recognized that they were the dark years that I had just gone through a spell for me because of its conduct on the road to happiness. Ragnell no longer existed, but the pain I had experienced under his remains stayed in me as a guide and warning. As Gawain
feared, his mother Morgause never had a smile for me, nor I had better luck with Queen Guinevere, despite the king continued to show an estimate ostentatious almost embarrassing. But companies found less sophisticated and sincere, Sir Lionel, his brother and their wives, I never hid their sympathy, and when the young Gareth came to court - which had meanwhile moved to the residence of Camelot - I was in an older sister, who was able to console him by his heartbreak. But above all, becoming a mother was the apotheosis of my life as a woman, an inexplicable joy and total.


Gingalain now four years old, a child is beautiful and intelligent as his father. As I see it growing! How I hate to give up every day to the fragility of my body! The horrid Ragnell could live almost forever, lean, grinning and, backed by Male, Lady In the fight against the disease increasingly weak and an end approaching.
But I have chosen, remember? And five years
happiness were more than I could ever wish for.

"Oh, Nell, my dear, my darling! There must be a way to save! Now if you could decide to return to Inglewood, the appearance of a time, but alive ... would you do? I'll tell our son that his mother is a fairy, and that we conceived in a dream ... "
shake my head, as always enchanted by the purity of his soul. There is a wrinkle on his forehead, his eyelids are weighed down by lack of sleep. "I do not work anymore. And I wont, even if I could. "
cry, not because I'm dying, but I feel that one day will not track of everything for which we have suffered and rejoiced. And in a growing frenzy
see her tomorrow, battles, plots and deceptions, when other women will be next, and friends of today will be his worst enemies.
Our son will never be free, as I was myself.


recognize the footsteps approaching the door from the first echo that comes from the bottom of the corridor. He is the brother that I love and hate, is Joure Gromer Somer, who dared to challenge Arthur Pendragon in the forest of Inglewood. Gawain drew his sword, but a strange force seems to hold him.
"I arrived late, in the "whispers Gromer, sealing the peace with a rough caress.
"Maybe ... no ... "My thoughts seem to go through the air and penetrate him. He goes to the bed where my baby sleeps on his innocent sleep. With unusual grace, takes him in her arms and walks away.
"No! Coward, not take away my son! "
" Gawain, listen ... even though you have just said. Gingalain grow as a child of the fairies in the woods where I was born. Will I see it if and when trying the desire to become a knight. I know that you will recognize ... because it will remind me ... " My own voice sounds unreal and intangible, as the room disappears into darkness and feared all inviting.
The magic that holds it has disappeared along with Gromer, but he knows that after him will be useless.
"I surrender, I surrender to you, my love."
Our faces are now so close that my tears and get confused, and her breathing gasps alternate with my music in a wrong way.

"We can not ask more than we had. I love you, Gawain, I will always love you ... "And


for ages yet I never tire of repeating those words, in a place that is neither a forest or a castle. It is a white sandy beach of mourning, red blood in remembrance of those who survived.
But you also know that our history, you will only hear the wind blow on the cliff.